Trite Pop Jams (with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

grumpThat will.i.am!
That will.i.am!
I do not like that will.i.am!

will.i.amDo you like songs by my band?

grumpI do not like them, will.i.am.
I do not like those trite pop jams.

will.i.amWould you like them on MTV?

grumpI would not like them on MTV.
I would not like them as MP3s.
I do not like your trite pop jams.
I do not like them, will.i.am.

will.i.amWould you like to get it started?
Would you like to get retarded?

grumpI do not like to get it started.
Isn’t it offensive to say retarded?
I do not like them on MTV.
I do not like them on top 40.
I do not like your trite pop jams.
I do not like them, will.i.am.

will.i.amWould you like them with my humps?
Would you like some lady lumps?

grumpNot with your humps.
Not with your lumps.
Don’t get it started.
Don’t say retarded.
I would not like them on MTV.
I would not like them at all, you see.
I do not like your trite pop jams.
I do not like them, will.i.am.

will.i.amWould you? Could you? With Fergie?
Listen! Listen! And you will see.

grumpI would not, could not, with Fergie.

will.i.amYou may like them. They’re not crap.
You may like them with apl.de.ap.

grumpI absolutely think they’re crap.
And I don’t think you can use periods like that.
I do not like that song my humps.
I don’t want to see her lady lumps.
I do not want to get it started.
I’m starting to think that you’re retarded.
I do not want them on MTV.
I’d rather watch kids from Jersey.
I do not like these trite pop jams.
I do not like them, will.i.am.

will.i.amBeats! Lasers! Whistles! Bells!
Could you like us as the music swells?

grumpNot with any whistles and bells!
Why do your names look like URLs?
I would not, could not, with her humps.
I would not, could not, with lady lumps.
I will not listen to get it started.
I will not because I feel retarded.
I do not like them on MTV.
In fact I hate them thoroughly.
I do not like these trite pop jams.
I do not like them, will.i.am.

will.i.amHey! I’ve got a feeling. About tonight!
Would you, could you, on a good night?

grumpI would not, could not, on a good night.

will.i.amWould you, could you, boom boom pow?

grumpI would not, could not, boom boom pow.
Not on a good night, certainly not now.
Not with whistles, not with bells.
I don’t know how your music sells.
Not with humps. Don’t get me started.
What are lady lumps? That sounds retarded.
I won’t watch them on MTV.
I do not like your stuff, you see?

will.i.amYou do not like our awesome jams?

grumpI do not like them, will.i.am.

will.i.amCould you, would you, if you were crunk?

grumpI would not, could not, even crunk.

will.i.amWould you, could you, buy Elephunk?

grumpI could not, would not, buy Elephunk.
I will not, will not. Your songs are junk.
I will not listen today or tonight.
I’ve got a feeling that’s just not right.
Not with wham bam whee or boom boom pow.
Not if they’re quiet, not if they’re loud.
I do not like what you call humps.
It’s not nice to call body parts lumps.
I do not want to get it started.
I can’t believe I keep saying “retarded.”
I do not like anything on MTV.
Not you nor girls pregnant at sixteen.
I do not like your trite pop jams.
I do not like them, will.i.am.

will.i.amYou do not like them. So you say.
Listen! Listen! And you may.
Listen and you may, I say.

grumpWill! If you will let me be.
I will listen. You will see.

 

grumpNo, they suck.